It's one of the first things we learn to do. Right out of the womb, we instinctively react to the over-sensory assault of the world around us. We cry, of course. That's obvious. We have to. The sights, the sounds, the smells, even the new feeling of oxygen against our skins. It's all too much for us. We don't quite know what to do. It is there, stuck in awestruck wonder, too interested even to breath, that we learn our first real experience. If unassisted, we may just be caught up in it. We may never cry, never learn to breath. But, through our first strike of pain, we gain all there is to be given to us. We are given life, painful, tiresome, wonderful, intense life.
What is not obvious, upon initial inspection, is that we do not simply cry; we bite. We lash out, too weak to use our extremities, with sole knowledge of how to use our jaw, we bite. We do not like the pain, and, given half a chance, would bite the world, our anger set to consume the world. We use the only defense known, and we do not stop. Even in our initial slumber, we bite, we gnaw.
Rushing out of the building, my life recounting itself to me, in my mad attempt to simply escape, I am reminded of this. I am reminded of our instincts, as humans, feeble and vulnerable. Tears rush down my face as I expose myself to the outside lights, to the world around me.
I saw him again, garbed in black, so pale you could barely discern where his teeth were, against his constant, maddening smile. The world began to slow, then stopped, in that moment, his teeth inside my neck. So much happened, all in that infinitesimal, eternal moment. I could feel everything. The sights I never saw, the smells that never warranted attention. The atmosphere itself. Everything, in that moment, grew. Insatiable, my mind grew. Above all, I felt his hunger. Never-ending destructive need. Above all, I felt pain, itself throbbing into my entire being.
Time resumed, but I did not, nor did he. We stood longer, in that fallacy of an embrace. If something did not happen, and soon, I knew that I would be like the infant; so caught up in the new world around him, that he forgot to breath, and I knew that I would die.
However, the pain multiplied. So intense, so excruciating, that nothing could compare. It was as if I felt my entire body, crushed by the weight of the world. It never ended, that moment. It's with me even now, but that's how the world works. As the pain waned, and I was no longer paralyzed, I did the only thing instinctual, the only thing that made sense. I wept.
I wept, and wept and wept. I cried, frantically, hating the pain, hating the world, hating my circumstances. I hated and hated, even myself, even every little thing I used to hold dear, anything that I once was. All of my insecurities burned, all of my hopes thrown to the inferno, thrown to my hate. I was enraged, more than that. I was morbidly livid, and I could think of only one thing to do.
I needed to bite.